I’m back! Sorry about the delay; I got busy. My original intention upon returning to this blog was to break things down succinctly, possibly with bullet points ala Powerpoint. Then it occurred to me that I am completely incapable of breaking things down succinctly and detest Powerpoint. So I’ll do this however I want. Here goes.
I am including this photo first, as it is important to get a taste of my procrastination. Faced with the tasks of completing my TEFL certification, shipping and selling my partner’s and my possessions, and coordinating a transatlantic move for myself and Mr. Kitty, I opted instead to watch a lot of Star Trek and Julia Child, both of which I have watched enough to be able to quote. It was not all wasted time, however. During stressful times, one needs to laugh. And both of the above programs can provide chuckles to those with immature and dirty minds. In the above screen capture (one of the millions which can be similarly captured of Dr. Crusher or Deanna Troi), there is a flagrant display of what–in polite circles–is known as a camel toe. It is somewhat comforting to know that even with all of the technology the 24th century will have to offer, some nuances of our humanity will remain.
Now I will show you screenshots of Julia Child as she:
1) Handles a sausage, and…
2) Squirts some mayo.
Vulgarities and immature chuckles aside, I did in fact accomplish all of my tasks. The TEFL certification was actually a lot of fun, and after delivering my mock 30 minute English lesson about phone skills and then diplomatically filling out an evaluation of the instructor, I walked out with my official certification. Woo and hoo indeed.
I don’t really have much to say about the packing up process, except that the whole “getting rid of everything” is a tad more difficult than I thought it would be. I assumed that divesting myself of all belongings would be far easier (and much less expensive) than actually packing and moving. In some respects it was, as it forced me to accept that most belongings are just things. Inanimate objects hold only as much importance as one wishes to give them. So I made peace with getting rid of most things, but the process of getting rid of it did turn out to be a bit trying.
I had initially insisted upon at least moving my books with me (I am an admitted book hoarder), but then discovered that a single box of books would cost around $300 to ship. This multiplied by the number of boxes it would have taken (which I will keep to myself, thank you very much) came to several billions of dollars.
I opted to give most of my books to the San Francisco Friends of the Library, half because of altruism and half because of the huge tax break it will give me. The books I couldn’t part with I gave to my sister to hold for me. I then did the unspeakable:
I loaded a bunch of books onto my Kindle app on my ipad. And felt every bit the hypocrite and traitor. I had spoken ill of e-reader users for so long, it was hard to reconcile using one myself. Then it occurred to me how much I could load onto the damn thing at no added weight. So I am a convert, though begrudgingly so.
What I didn’t donate to Goodwill, Out of the Closet, Friends of the Library, and to the homeless people who would take whatever I put out on the sidewalk, I sold on Craigslist. I can’t bring myself to include any details or photos on all the items I sold, but I will say that selling things on Craigslist is a great way to grow acquainted with several interesting people. And by interesting people, I mean flakes who email you to tell you they’re interested in your unopened set of Pokemon cards (that you were given for free during your stint as a Waldenbooks manager but were never curious enough to open and play with) but then they flake out and disappear. I was able to sell big items of furniture, but those expressing interest in the smaller things (such as Pokemon cards, which I must again insist I did not ever play with and was never involved in any way with trading card/roleplaying games) never seemed to follow up.
The Pokemon cards sold on ebay for a pretty decent sum, though. So yay for geeks who pay money for such things. I am not one of them, I swear.
Eventually, I was able to empty the house and begin the deep-cleaning that most people do when they move and yet no landlord ever seems satisfied with. Our former living room, as seen above, was reduced to a single area rug and one pissed-off kitty. We were not getting along at this point, as I had carted him off to the vet twice to get his health certificate, and now had emptied his house. The rug went out to the curb soon after this photo was taken, to be quickly picked up by a homeless person.
So that was that. Bags were packed. Landlord came over and walked through the house, then I took my luggage, pissed off kitty, and tired ass to an airport hotel. I let Mr. Kitty out for a bit to relax at the hotel, as I knew he would not be happy with the overseas flight.
I am unable to recount the events of the next morning clearly, as they involve taking kitty to United cargo (I was flying British Airways, who would only take him as far as London–long story). If you have never shipped a pet overseas with United Airlines, then you don’t know what a good raping is like. I have blocked most of the experience from my memory, as do most victims of horrific assault. Once I was done with that good fun, I was able to make my way back to the BA lounge and relax (and by relax, I mean take the Klonopin my doctor had prescribed for the occasion. I’m a bit of a nervous flyer).
To be continued…